It was the perfect day where the sky is in soft pastel hues and the bird is happily dancing behind the background. There is not a hint of storm or rain. You have been waiting for this day when...you knew it would somewhat comes along that he knelt on the ground, one hand holding yours while another one whisked out a..
...Ring...
It could a diamond or whatever that is sparkling there but does it matter?
He pops the question.
"Will you marry me?"
You thought he would never ask!
You absorbed the moment, trying to process the scenario. It does feel real. Should you accept that ring? Has he thought it through? What happens IF...? Naturally, many questions come into your mind. Being a woman, that's natural.
Almost in disbelief or in eagerness, you said "Yes."
The word somewhat escaped from your lips. You have wanted that to happen....perhaps, waiting for it to happen and when it does happen...you are at lost, not sure how would you react but finally, you've managed to take control of yourself again.
"Yes!"
As you raise your hand and hold out your engagement finger, you realized that he is just as nervous. Of course! Obviously, it is his very first proposal!
Both of you laugh over it for a couple of days and when you have finally come out of your excitement, the next wave comes: The Preparation for The wedding-Day.
What is so great yea? I don't know, honestly, but for good reasons (I believe) that many people hated the process of preparation for the wedding day and seemingly a lot of my friends fell into that trap. From the dress to the wedding venue, right down to their in-laws. Practically EVERTHING under the sun.
A wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom and those invited to share their happiness. That's what I thought and hold up to. Unless you stand firm in your belief, you will soon joined the group of Bridezillas and THAT is not what I'm signing up for.
Here, I'm going to share how I managed my process and I hope, this can inspire would-be-brides to stay calm and enjoy the planning process as much as I did. Wedding can be manageable and not burn your piggy bank AND of course, not going to turn YOU into a Bridezilla. Brides...you have to be the brightest shinest star on that Beautiful day :)
1. Know what you want and have a Budget: IT IS ABOUT YOU
"It is not about you....it is about your family and in the end of the day, you would want their blessings too, right?"
That's a statement from my girlfriend. Not even a question.
I tell everyone that wedding is about you and your partner, not your family's friends.
The comment that I received? "That's your dream, not reality."
What happens in this part of the world is that your family takes part in every aspect of your wedding planning process because they would like to decide for you when to get married (auspicious day for the chinese *winkz ), who to invite (dad's cousin's wife's best friend), what type of food you serve, your wedding card's design, seating arrangement....and the list goes on forever.
Then again, how many requests can you fulfill? How many people can be made truly satisfied?
People have preferences and it is unique.
"I don't like your bouquet" "Your dress is too plain" "The food is not special" ....
Anyone asked, "What is your wedding style like?"
Yes, if you have a planner then perhaps, you will get that question much more often but the price of that is at least RM6000, as a base rate.
Not everyone is born with a silver spoon and a couple should never ever take a loan to pay for their wedding, no.matter.what. You may have a dream but is it worthy to torture yourself to a montly installment for your dream? I take a NO.
So, we set a realistic budget of what we want and I've politely (rather, bluntly) telling my family that it is my wedding and I am paying for it. I am (not) sorry that I can't afford extravagant wedding dinner and I cannot invite the entire village.
Honestly, I would be grateful and in bliss if the entire village celebrates with me but no. The other side of the story is that people tend to criticize and I'm not sure why. Be it the food...the ambience...people would find a reason to tell you that they did not enjoy your wedding day - they would make sure that their opinions reach you. Yes, you may ignore them (and you should) but one can't help to wonder why did they just spend so much to receive these in return. Criticism.
Yes, I made it a point to let my family knows what I think and why I choose to plan according to my wants and our (my fiance and I) affordability. Unfortunately, wedding is not everything and we still have a life after that and we really need our family to support our decision in this: don't make things difficult for us.
That worked pretty well ^^ (It does if you are really the one who is footing the bill, NOT your parents).
Now, what do I want? A simple wedding dinner with my family and friends and to cater to various palate, I have decided on a buffet style dinner.
2. Always discuss with your fiance
Noticed that I've used I in the previous paragraph? *rolled eyes*
LOLs. Yea, wedding is a planning by the bride and groom together and many a time, I trust that the bride is very excited and have a lot of ideas on how she would like the day to be like.
But, to satisfied both sides - the bride would need to run through the list with the groom.
My groom has a diet preference and due to this, he is not too ready to agree with my buffet style dinner. Gosh, that is by far the most difficult part of the entire planning process. I hate diet restrictions and I hate traditional chinese wedding banquets.
Therefore, to take things step by step, we agreed to discuss and to try out a selected locations to check on the menus. Somewhat we managed to (both) agree on a venue.
3. Try as much not to get frustrated. Just plan even if it takes ONE
Men. As I realized now, is a creature who don't multi-task.
Not all men are alike. Some perhaps manage this department better than the colony and is able to work together with the bride on a wedding planning but unfortunately my 'better' half is not one of those elites.
That is his weakness which I have to live with.
Therefore, brides....just stay calm and suck that in. It works better if you start to accept that flaw because some men do work this way -- I have to google, literally, the entire www to finally come to term with this fact. It seems that I am totally not alone and my sisters out there, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this. If you are on the same boat, whine but at the same time, plan for the both of you.
Assign him some tasks and get him to realize that you are actually taking through trouble to get things done. He will definitely appreciate it - for one, he knows what was assigned to him and required his assistance; that will keep him focused and second, his guilt will kill him for making you unhappy (aha! Revenge).
Last but no least, make sure that you do follow-up to ensure that he completes the task.
This, does work for me. Trust me when I say that I was on the other extremity that I'm literally threatening him that I will call off the entire wedding if he doesn't prioritize the planning part. Yes, I WAS that frustrated because of many other factors. I did blame it to hormones but I believe hormones are only part of the culprit. I mean....women nowadays are too independent that we no longer see marriage as the next big thing. On the other hand, marriage (or kids) and the biggest lifestyle hindrance, therefore, to me -- it is a big commitment step to take....
If that's not the breaking point, then imagine, you now have to live and adapt to your partner and new family members. Not...easy...
NEXT: Wedding Check-List
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