Flight of the Conchords - I'm not crying

:(

Laputa

The one special important someone has being in your life for the longest period and through the darkest hour. No matter what wrong has that person done, there is never a moment that you would be angry at one another for long. There may be a short duration that you may not be speaking with that person over some argument but there will never be a moment that you will not forgive each other's mistake.

Suddenly that one special person whom you love dearly will soon to be gone...for the first time ever in your life. The sudden emptiness...out of the blue...the sinking feeling that disturbs your stomach feels worse than being deserted by the whole world.

It feels bad enough for trying to build a castle in the air...a task almost near impossible, like locating Laputa without knowing the spell...now it felt even worse. I have chosen a dream rather than a solution. If only I am to be given a wish on Monday...






---edited & added in on 10 Aug 2010 ----
p/s: the person is back! well, suddenly, it doesn't cause an emotional turbulence anymore. It seems like just another day when you came back and you found the person back to where the person would be and hey, you are back. That's all..no reliefs whatsoever. Perhaps, it made no differences in actual sense. The world still goes around the orbit...and heck, I guess I am slightly more worried than anything else...hmm...and okay...also a sense of convenience...oh man...I'm losing this part of me out sooner or later...

Random thoughts

How funny it is to read blogs of people who you know as a friend but not a close one. It is like if you know that person but not too well and when you are sitting next to each other, there will be an awkward moment and a basic conversation.

I know her but we are just friends who only smile to each other when we see one another down the corridor. Today I read some of her blogs and found that she was at a crossroad and recently had a breakup. We are not close and I think it will be pretty awkward for me to tell her these...so I'm just going to write it here and perhaps, someday...she or other people who are facing the same situation, can be digitally reached. (This is the part where I love technology and literacy -- oh..I do hope to learn more words on my own...so that the next time when somebody writes in Mandarin, I can at least make out some sensible statements)

Here goes:

1.
It gets really confusing altogether when you have just graduated and your future lies in front of you. You are cautious not to take the wrong path because it might just be the one that makes you wasted your years and thought it is the right path but you have no idea at all what path is right and what path is not. It's not like you can chose between going into the corporate world or into creating a brand of your own...you do not know what to chose even; at times, because you are a science graduate who wanted to survive doing science and build a castle out of imaginations -- and getting paid for that. Then again, it is very frustrating when situations forced you into a corner and take choices out of your hand. It is true that not everyone end up with a job that they initially planned but that would be really ideal, I know.

I guess it was that transition period which people (should I say: like us?) would face and it will take a year for the indecisive ones or those who was robbed out of their choices to actually adapt to the new environment - whether they like it or not. I myself is still trying to adapt to the new environment. Maybe I am slow, so to speak, that I felt really comfortable previously before the leap and now that after the leap, I kinda have doubts if the leap was the right step to take.

I have leaped into an world which I thought I wanted but an environment that can only be described as kiasu (uber kiasu). Then again, after much re-thinking...I supposed, yes, that is the leap that I wanted. Even after today, I am telling myself that I am not backing down because of all those kiasu-ness around me. At times, I felt like a fool at the center stage; lost of an aim/direction and what this fool does was being fooled and acting like a fool. But, no. I will not back down and there is only one way to exit from all the kiasu-ness: that is to climb up above and walk on the kiasu's head. Oh well, I guess the consolation is that not everyone in that world is kiasu. Some are really nice people :)

2.
I like the way she puts it: a girl with her heart in pieces. Don't we all once have our heart in pieces? I supposed this is one miraculous thing about human heart, they end up in pieces but with appropriate amount of Time and the correct dose of Love, the pieces can actually be sealed back like a brand new one :) Sometimes, when something are not meant to be, then it is not meant to be. She understands that part...probably executing what she understands is a little difficult.

Yea, I supposed execution is always the pain. When your brain tells you the logical thing to do, your heart will just tell you otherwise. Then again, what is not meant to be; is not meant to be :) Yesterday, there were two girls who called into the radio station to shout to the world of their break up. One of them said that it was pretty abrupt and it was due to their incompatibility while another girl shared that it was because of a third party. Well, the DJ should have told them, "What is not meant to be, is not meant to be and letting go is also an expression of Love."

So, all the best :)

The weirdness of turning 25

The weirdness of turning 25...

For once, your body is not the same anymore. Like, yes, duh...you can't adjust to the day as easily as you would when you are 15. At 15, I can sleep till 7pm and wake up and sleep again at 3am and still wake up at 7am only to sleep again at 10am.
Now? Time is so limited that you are desperate to have 35 hours a day if possible.

When I was 20, I eat and drink all that I want and still stay the same...now? I don't eat as much ice cream or chocolates any more. I get sick of them very easily and besides, I gain as much as I eat.

21 was the official -of.age- period and I have a few friends who got married young and divorced few years after. Some get pregnant and abortion follows thereafter. Well, at 25, most of them started to get married, then pregnant and have kids (probably divorcement would come later...or hopefully not). They start a family and learn parenting. I don't know but that is very new to me...almost alienating...

You don't worry much about finances when you are younger but at 25? I start to hate myself for not working hard enough, not earning as much and not achieving high enough. the digits remain the same and the dream remains a dream and heck, nowadays my doubt has come back to haunt.

At 25, the body shows signs of growing...older...the mind started to race because I am 25 and yet feels like a 20...and have an achievement of an 18. OH THE HORROR...wtf... =__+;

At 18, I was fresh and hopeless...at 21, I was still naive and young...at 22/23, I was older but not wiser and I've got a reflection of life. A reflection that I thought I could have avoided should I was wiser and more determined. 23 has been a lesson...it was a beautiful coincident...one which I still do not know if it's much of a regret or if it's much of a discovery period...but for sure, it was a consequence of my own actions and to my own accord (to a friend who has just turned 23...I hope your 23 would be one which you didn't go through the way I went through mine...learn from it and make possible for amendments if you think it shouldn't be the way it is now..)

Through all the stumbles and self-discovery...I guess the consolation of turning 25 would be myself writing a new chapter of life...a better chapter because for once .( ___________ ). am not filling in that blanks. I know you are reading this prolly at a later time but somehow yea, I just know you will read this part and smile because you know you fills up that blank.

It will be better

I was sleeping a while ago but suddenly woke up and even though I felt like sleeping again...I dragged myself up for a cup of water. Thirst and a miss in the heart had got me up. I have recently been in an environment which had trapped me in my thoughts again. I have been pondering about what I should do and what I was about to do for quite some time previously and I thought I am through with that but recently, the same set of questions and doubts haunt me again. Am I really doing what I thought was right by walking the path which I had chosen? Is that really what I wanted? Am I sure that this is a learning curve and a stairway to what I aimed for instead of wasting my time trying to build a castle in the air? It was supposed to be inspiring to listen to the presentation by SH when she said, Look for opportunities in your mistakes..but it didn't quite do the trick today. It's enjoyable doing what I'm doing now...but it could be better.

Yes. It will be better.
It definitely will be.

mother knows best

Recently, I had a discussion with this newly acquainted friend of mine and I totally disagree with what we discussed on. Well, I usually adopt an ignorant-don't-bother-much-less with people with a mindset like his (moreover, we are newly acquainted) and so, I let him dwell in his own world after stating my favourite line, "Eventhough I agree to a certain extent of your points but I still beg to differ as individuals; we both have different opinions."

It begun with the discussion on his experience as an art facilitator in A. He shared with me that A uses a method which allows young children to display their thoughts and inner emotions on paper. Instead of suppressing a child's creativity by giving them a set of defined instructions on how to produce a so-called good art, A incorporated the senses of hearing, smelling, sight and touch to enable a child to express him/herself through drawing and coloring.

He told me that any child below the age of 8 should not be forced to imagine or force-feed them with creativity. This will later suppresses the child's power of innovation and indirectly contribute to their failure in achieving a high EQ.

He even said that parents go to A to get their children 'diagnosed' (so to say; it meant that teachers in A would be trained to tell what's the nature of their child through his/her artwork--just like a code decipherer) and the teachers are able to give accurate description of the child's in born nature -- thanks to the method used by A, of course.

He is obviously very proud of A since he went on and on trashing (that is a very lousy business ethic and super uber lousy personality of a person) every other art center as places that stunt (and possibly damage the child for life) the creativity of the child which later on leads to his/her inability to develop/mature mentally. He went to the extent of alleging that these centers have indirectly contributed to the mass churning of Yes-Malaysians (Malaysians who only accept what is given and never question or reason with the higher authority for the fear of consequences).

I was almost on the verge of correcting his thoughts. Well, I do not deny the fact that most Malaysians have that mindset but then again, hey, we have Jimmy Choo, P. Ramlee, Lat, Lim Kok Wing, Loh Kin Sun...and the list goes on. I mean, c'mon, I just have to disagree with his shallow mindset! Early child development is important of course, but then again, an individual grows up and eventually picks up his/her direction and unique characteristics. Art centers or whichsoever early children development may play a role but they are not the ultimate factor that affects the progress of a child in his/her younger years!

He went on to say how grateful parents are to A because A managed to inform them of the character of their children and some parents even ask them for their recommendations in selecting suitable reading materials for them.

Good gracious, centers are not supposed to be the ones that tell the parents on what their children are like! Mothers, they carry the baby in them for the whole 9 months DO NOT need anyone to tell them about their child/ren. She is the one who is supposed to know their children best -- at least before they reach teenagehood and adopt an identity of their own. Then again, a mother will always know best. They are supposed to and if they are unable to, then it is just too bad. It is not a shame but it is just too bad.

What a laughable statement to hear from someone who seemingly knows a lot about children psychology; what he told me made me thought that he is so immersed in his own subject of expertise that he failed to realize other matters. Parents spend more time with their younger children than any art teachers (who probably only come in contact with the child for 1-2 hours, twice a week at maximum). So, who are they to tell the parents if the parents themselves do not even understand their own children? I can only comment that these parents are being insensitive...that's all. Well, everyone is flawed -- and so is he!
(if he stereotypes most Malaysians as being not creative...then what is he? He has children who scored As using the center's method doesn't significantly mean anything--My friends and I scored As during our younger years as well and we did not even attend any mental development related sessions nor was being fed with modified milk powder when we were babies. Having a child studying in an oversea university doesn't at all mean the child is better off due to his guiding method which was based on that of the center, it simply means he can afford to provide them with a better education option! I am a self-taught in art and I am able to draw and design without being 'guided' by methods and still, I am able to reason on my choice of colors...maybe sometimes I do get creative...well...that is debatable so let's not get there..haha...because that's also a reason on why I did not venture into the creative line...geez...A is not any more superior just because parents thought it helps in developing their children' mind)

An artwork, yes, is able to disclose a certain information on a person but NOT entirely. You will need dual-communication and observations to be able to learn more about a person (child/adult). A human is so complex that artwork is just a limited source of information.

Now, to think again, I shouldn't be wasting my time to rant about his shallowness. It's just not worth it.

And by the way...I love my current job...so no thank you for the offer. Those people may hold high positions with good salaries...but that's them.